Our Past Develops Addiction Later
Whether you’re “sober curious,” just starting or moving along in your recovery journey, everyone of us has a starting point for our addiction. Often, we think about the first time we experimented with drugs or alcohol as the beginning of the downward cycle. Although each of us is unique, we all have one thing in common: Addiction started before we took our first drink, toke or snort.
Addiction doesn’t just pop up out of nowhere. It’s been developing under the radar since we were children. Some have a genetic link passed down from previous generations that gives them a head start. But genes don’t make an addict. There’s always something else. Something we’re escaping from, feelings we want to numb, and for some, addiction is a result from past traumas. Regardless of what kind of trauma we experience, our mind doesn’t know how to manage the conflict. So, unconsciously, we create a privately-defined world, insulating ourselves as a form of self-protection. Our self-esteem plummets as our self-identity grasps for something to hold. It’s the perfect storm that many of us believe we can sail through, even if it is a sinking ship. The temporary relief delivered instantly through substance abuse supersedes long-term consequences that we can’t imagine -- until it’s too late.
Traumas don’t have to be as severe as mine. It can occur as a child when we see a glimpse of unacceptance that rejects the essence of who we believe to be. Or it could be a divorce that puts a child in a tug-o-war between the parents. Or it could be more diabolical and have violent or sexual overtones. It could be anything, really. As children, we’re incredibly susceptible to harm, even unintentioned varieties by “good” parents.
When we begin the recovery journey, first we have to be honest with ourselves, and others, about our addiction. Honesty sets the course for the rest of the recovery journey, learning how to live without the crutch of a substance.
Over time, however, we need to investigate why, and how, this disease developed in our lives. That way, we learn about our triggers but also can find forgiveness for ourselves and others. Without forgiveness, that soil remains fertile for addiction to grow back. I’m not suggesting we can ever forget the past traumas, but we do need to recalibrate our experience with them in order to move forward with living our best lives.
Reflection Questions
How would you describe the circumstances of your life before you ever tried using or drinking? You may consider the following:
What did you believe about yourself?
How were you raised?
Did you have a mental health issue?
What other influences can you think of that may have led to wanting to escape life?
Can you admit that your substance use has become more of a problem than you ever imagined it would be?
Have you thought about or tried to quit before?
What’s holding you back from being honest with yourself about having an unhealthy relationship with your drug of choice?
What forgiveness needs to happen in order for you to close that chapter of addiction in order for a new, and better, chapter to begin?
Note: I’m not suggesting taking any action or speaking with who ever harmed you -- only identify the resentment that has been festering for a long time.
Please also note that this line of inquiry can be greatly aided with a professional therapist, counselor or sponsor.