When Normal is Abnormal

Although I had accepted the chaos from my addiction as normal, everyone around me knew otherwise. I was a danger to myself and others, but I could not admit anything was wrong with me. In this phase of feeding addiction, nobody could open my eyes to the severity of my behavior and choices. Unlike the intervention that helped my mother find a way to stay sober, typically the addict must sincerely want help or else they will just go through the motions until their next fix.

In my case, the counselor at the Impact House was 100% right. I was not ready. My ‘rock bottom’ was still not in sight despite what others believed to be my lowest point. I was too selfish, too addicted and too caught up in my own privately-defined world to need anything except more cocaine. Nobody could help me. In order for recovery to stick, I would have to come to the same conclusion everyone else did but on my own and in time.

The point here is that regardless of how much you love and care for an addict’s wellbeing, there’s little you can do for them. You can avoid giving them money, but they’ll find some. You can set boundaries at home, but they’ll just skip out. You can tell them how concerned you are, but they won’t hear it. It’s a very difficult phase where patience is a virtue. It’s a waiting game, but one that’s well worth it. And never, ever give up on them. When they do finally turn to face their demons, they will need all the love and support you can offer -- which may not be much. Just hold on to your own sanity while they seek to find their own. 

Reflection Questions

If you are an addict reading this, why do you think it’s virtually impossible for anyone else to lead you to getting clean and sober?

1. Is there anything they can do for you? If so, what is it?

2. What do you think needs to happen in order for you to change your ways?

If you are reading this and have a loved one stuck in the addiction cycle, what do you think is the best thing you can do?

1. Ideas: 

   1. Care for your own mental, physical and spiritual health

   2. Set and enforce rules for your household to protect those living there (no drugs, no late nights, etc.)

   3. Stop giving money to them and access to driving your car

   4. Offer support when they are ready to get help

   5. All the above